


Butterflies with punctured wings

by BloodyKnuckles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Caretaking, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6854134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyKnuckles/pseuds/BloodyKnuckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days were easy. Other days were hard. Some days he felt more than happy to wake up, get out of bed and face the world head on. Other days the thought of leaving his room was enough to make him shiver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butterflies with punctured wings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. This is the first story I've ever posted on here. I usually don't write in English since it's not my first language but I decided to just give it a go for once. Mostly because I have a lot of feelings for those volleyball dorks. Btw, the title is a line from the song "Part II" by Paramore. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Some days were easy. Other days were hard. Some days he felt more than happy to wake up, get out of bed and face the world head on. Other days the though of leaving his room was enough to make him shiver. Today was a bad day. As soon as he had woken up Suga knew that he was more sensitive than usual. His alarm bells were ready to ring at any second, filling him with a nervous strain he couldn't shake off. _Calm down. Breathe. It's okay to be tense. Don't freak out. Everything's fine._ Internally repeating those supposedly reassuring phrases his doctor had instructed him to use whenever he could feel his anxiety levels rise, he got dressed and ready to leave the house. As soon as he stepped outside and closed the door behind himself he was hit with the impressions of his surroundings. _It's so bright. The sun is so bright._ Suga took a step forward, one hand gripping his backpack so hard that his knuckles turned white. _So loud._ The neighbours are talking to each other. He took another step forward. _Bright._ Another step. _Loud._ Another one.  
Step by step he kept on walking until he stood in front of the school building. He couldn't even remember how he got there but it was okay because he felt a little better than he had right after waking up. _I'm gonna be okay._

Suga sighed out loud before reaching his arms over his head to stretch. The school day had been long and boring, mostly subjects he didn't particularly enjoy but wasn't really bad at either. It had been pretty calm and overall he felt composed and content. “You tired?”, a pleasantly deep voice asked next to him. “Not really. Kind of excited for practice today. I'm in the mood for it.” “Well, that's always good to hear”, Daichi chuckled before grabbing his bag from the floor and standing up. “Let's go then. Our first-years are probably already waiting for us.”

At first Suga didn't realize that the tension in his body was getting worse again. He was too busy tossing to both Asahi and Tanaka successively while simultaneously trying to keep his kouhais under control. But when he finally realized what was happening, it felt like a tornado was assaulting his brain. _No. No no no no no._ His chest felt incredibly tight and his heart was beating so fast that he was certain it was going to break out of his body. His senses were heightened to a point where it was painful. At the other end of the gym Kageyama was shouting something at Hinata. _So loud, so loud._ Suga heard Tanaka say something to Ennoshita next to him. _Stop, stop, stop._ Volleyballs kept being spiked into the floor with a deafening smack. _Too loud, too loud, please stop._ The light of the fluorescent tubes that illuminated the room hurt his eyes. _So bright, so intense, so bright. Make it stop._ He could smell the sweat that was rising from the active bodies moving around him. He felt nauseous. _No more. Please._ In an attempt to escape he closed his eyes and put his hands over his ears. He could still hear them, smell them, everything was there and it was simply too much.  
“Suga-san, are you okay? Suga-san?” “Suga-senpai?” Even though the voices were muffled by his hands it was still too much. His throat felt like it was closing up. _I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I'm going to choke._ “Daichi, Suga is hyperventilating.” “Guys, what is going on?!” “Suga, please say something.” “Get away from him. He's having a panic attack.” Suddenly, two hands were touching his own and carefully started pulling on them. Suga tried to shake them off while still covering his ears with his palms. _No, no, leave me alone._ “Sugawara-kun, please. You need to calm down. I'm going to take you somewhere quiet but you need to open your eyes in order for that, okay?” _Stop talking, stop talking, stop, stop, stop._ “Sugawara-kun. Open your eyes. Please.” Suga slowly tried to move his eyelids. They felt heavy. “Relax. It's okay.”He opened his eyes and for a moment everything seemed a little blurry, just different colours smeared together before gradually it all went back into focus. He saw Takeda's face right in front of his, furrowed brows with a deep wrinkle between them and shiny, brown eyes. “Let's get out of here, okay? We'll get you some space.”  
Suga tried to nod at that but he wasn't sure how to. Takeda seemed to understand anyway as he carefully grabbed the sleeve of his student's shirt and pulled him out of the gym. Behind them there were multiple voices talking, some even shouting in confusion. _Stop it, stop stop. Help, please._ “Sugawara-kun, stay with me. It's okay, calm down.” _It's not okay, it's not okay, too loud, too loud._ “Sugawara-kun!” _NO, IT'S TOO MUCH, IT'S TOO..._

Silence.

No, that wasn't true. It wasn't completely silent. There were two voices talking to each other. What were they talking about? He couldn't understand them. Was that even Japanese? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he felt tired and worn-out and just wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep. But this wasn't his bed, was it? The surface he was lying on was definitely more uncomfortable than his futon. He shuffled around for a bit and suddenly the voices disappeared. Where did they go? “Suga? Are you there?”, one of the voices appeared again. Was he awake? No, his eyes were closed so he couldn't be awake. Should he open them? He tried it, blinking a few times before his eyelids finally stayed up. But he didn't see anything real. Was he still dreaming? Suddenly there was something warm touching his head and stroking his hair. “How are you feeling?” The same voice from before. Now it had a face. Did he know this guy? “Suga?” Suga? What does that mean? The second voice started to talk again, it sounded weird. A little too shrill, maybe nervous. “Why isn't he answering? Is he okay?” “Don't worry, sensei. He's just dissociated right now. That's why he can't hear us or rather he can't process anything we're saying.” “Is this... is this bad? I don't know anything about this kind of stuff.” “Well, it's not a good thing but not dangerous either. He often experiences that after he's had a panic attack. Everything probably seems very unreal to him right now, like he's dreaming or disconnected from the world. He once said to me that it makes his surroundings look paler and kind of foggy.” While Suga didn't really understand what they were talking about, he still tried to listen to them. The calmer voice sounded nice to him, comforting somehow. After a few minutes (or was it hours?) his head started to hurt a little and also his muscles started feeling a little sore. Muscles, huh? In his arms and legs? Weird. At the same time his thinking seemed to clear up a little. Gym mat. He was lying on a gym mat. And that face and those voices belonged to people he knew. He recognized them. “Say, Sawamura-kun, since when has he been having those panic attacks?” “Oh, he's had them ever since I knew him. I think it started back when he was in junior high but I'm not sure.” “Hm. You two are very close, aren't you?” “Uhm, yeah. I guess we are.” Daichi. That voice belonged to Daichi. A sudden wave of realization washed over him. _Daichi is there. Takeda is there. I had a panic attack. In front of the whole team._ With an abrupt movement Suga sat up and looked around the room. He was sitting on a gym mat that had been laid down on the floor of the club room. Daichi was sitting next to him on the floor while Takeda sat on a stool next to the door. Both of them were staring at him. Suga groaned out loud and hid his face in his hands. “Not again. I'm so sorry, sensei.” “Hey now, there's no need to apologize, Sugawara-kun. Are you okay?” Suga slowly moved his hands away from his face in order to look at his teacher who seemed pretty worried, brows furrowed together and his hands clutching a bottle of water. “Yeah, I'm fine now. Just really tired. And embarrassed. I didn't want you or the team to see that.” “To be honest with you, it was kind of a scary sight. I didn't know what to do but Sawamura-kun here luckily did and helped me out. Or rather, helped you out”, Takeda said with a small chuckle. Suga looked over at Daichi who was rubbing his neck sheepishly. He couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face at the sight. “Thank you, Daichi”, he muttered quietly while leaning over to nudge his friend's shoulder with his own. “Don't mention it. We should probably get you home now, right? You look like you're about to fall asleep.” “I really am quite tired. But shouldn't you go back to practice?” Daichi just rolled his eyes at that. “One missed practice isn't going to kill me or the team so don't worry about it. I already picked up our bags earlier on so let's get going.” “Alright, I guess”, Suga said before slowly getting up. The muscles in his legs felt really sore from all the cramping earlier but at least he could still walk without too much pain. He quickly said goodbye to Takeda before leaving the club room with Daichi by his side. “Thank you again”, he mumbled while keeping his eyes glued to his feet. “Stop thanking me for something that should be a given, Suga.” “Okay okay, I'll stop. Please don't use your captain voice on me”, the former soothed the other before carefully intertwining their hands together. He didn't need to look up to realize that Daichi was smiling softly at him. Because even on the bad days Daichi was his rock and his shoulder to lean on, someone who loved him regardless of the panic pulsing through his body and the overwhelming hypersensitivity taking control of his brain. Daichi was stable, yet soft and collected and for Suga, that was exactly what he needed 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. This is the first story I've ever posted on here. I usually don't write in English since it's not my first language but I decided to just give it a go for once. Mostly because I have a lot of feelings for those volleyball dorks. Btw, the title is a line from the song "Part II" by Paramore. Anyway, hope you enjoy!


End file.
